Oh the joy of moving. Who does not love the chaos associated with packing, sorting…oh and unless you hire professional movers the manual labor involved. Recently I move, and while there is tremendous joy in making your first real estate purchase the pain associated with moving was not welcomed.
First order of business: rewire the dryer. For some reason they make clothes dryers with what seems like endless variations of power cords, which of course matches equally numerous varieties of outlets. As luck would have it my outlet and the power cord did not match. There is NO adapter! Yeah I guess that would be too easy of a fix. The “fix” is to rewire the whole thing. Handy dandy me decided to seek the help from my Facebook buddies. The responses were almost as varied as the outlets themselves. One even said “add a 2 minute timer and you have a MacGyver episode.” In any case the rewiring happened, sans insta-perm.
Second task: find curtains for a 113”x81” windows/sliding door combo. Yes that is huge…which is nice for lighting but a huge hassle to cover. I am under no dilution. I have zero to very little “queer eye” ability to throw something on the wall and auto designer look happens. This task in many ways was more frustrating and made me feel more like a fish out of water than the rewiring job. There are too many variables, colors, fabric types, lined or not lined. And don’t get me started on the rods. But after days of work and the advice of my best friend the window has covering! Not exactly what I had in mind but at least it does not look like a circus tent (mixing panels of different colors? What was I thinking!).
The butch task of rewiring the dryer was so much easier and successful! How was this possible from someone very in touch with his feminine side? As a gay man I am supposed to have a gay gene that makes all things fashion and style a breeze and mechanically inclined tasks difficult, right?! Apparently the answer is a fat, time-consuming, NO!
The truth is that conventional truths are not always true.
These two experiences forced to move from my preconceived notions. Yes I may not be straight but that does not mean I cannot learn to be handy at home. Yes I may be gay but I am not able to easily know what goes with what.
Stereotypes even the seemingly positive ones are damaging. One such damage occurs when an individual who does not possess a talent, a skill or a point of view which he is told he is supposed to have the person feels disappointment and frustrated. One of the hardest and most painful questions we can ask ourselves is “what is wrong with me?” For some who really just want to be a normal gay this can lead to self esteem issues. Also the energy and time spent trying to become the gay you belief you are supposed to be will steal you away from being the person you are. The result is that while you are trying to be someone else you miss on being you.
Take a moment to examine the preconceived notions you may have. Maybe you have an idea of what being gay is supposed to be. Do you have an idea of what being a bottom or a top means? Do you have fixed ideas of what butch or “feme” means? Now ask yourself if they apply to you. Try to do this without any judgment. Try to do this without giving any value to what being or not being what you are supposed to be. You may find that some of those things you are supposed to be do not apply to you, and thus you will begin to move. You will discover that you can move away from the mold which you are trying to fit into and realize how great you are when you discover your own mold. Yes moving is a painful process but the reward of finding yourself in a new place or with new knowledge is worth the hassle. So get going and MOVE IT!